How To Save A Life

patoraisu 03:11 , , , , , , , , , , , , No comments


"How To Save A Life" 

by: Patrice Chua Lavandero 






What is the first thing that you'd feel when I say that "you are worthless. You are a waste of oxygen, time, and space"? "Truly, the tongue like a sharp knife, kills without drawing blood."




Over 3.2 million students are victims of bullying each year. I was one of them. Everyday, as I walk the corridors of my school, I would hear them snicker. Everyday, while I wait in the quadrangle, the boys would play Spin the Bottle and use me as their situation. Mind you, those were violating, sexual actions involving me. Everyday, every minute, every second, I feel myself dying, breaking little by little. While you thank God by giving you another day as you wake up, I was mourning there in my bed as I wished I never did.


Firstly, you must know that I'm a shy, typical schoolgirl. A closed book; a wallflower as you might call it. But how did I catch their attention? This. Let me explain it to you.
Every time I get partnered with someone, you'd expect the room to vibrate with laughter and hear comments like, "bingo!", "jackpot!", and more mocking remarks. To put it short, I became the laughing stock of the batch.
Also, I have best friends. No. I had best friends. They left me in fear of getting bullied and sooner, I noticed that they were laughing at me even at my presence. And that broke me, wound me deep.
The year continued as my hair was being pulled hastily and they'd pull off some stupid excuse like, "oops! I thought you were wearing a wig!"; They never stayed too close to me as if I caught a disease; I always eat by myself at the cafeteria; they'd throw chewed paper (with their saliva, of course) at me; I was shoved around as if I wasn't there- I was treated worse than garbage; and the list goes on.


Never have I ever told my family about it. I never wanted to be a burden. It really feels lonely. Very lonely. My only friend was an inanimate object- a journal. But that wasn't enough. I was too angry because I feel useless- a waste of space and air. I am angry because I can't even protect myself.

Everything went tumbling down in an instant. The bullying; the closest person to my heart, my grandfather, died a month before my grade school Graduation; my family crumbled apart. I wrote all of these in piece of blank paper. And it drove me insane.

At some point, my mother contacted my school about the problem. As much as I felt relieved that it would finally get better, I never knew I was so wrong. It was worse and I felt like was just an option. I felt like as if no one. Even. Cares. I thought that it would cease but look what it brought me. I was officially labeled a coward.

"Thoughts turn into words, words turn into actions, and actions change a destiny. " And with my paper, words full of rage, and merged with my bitter tears, I resolved to cutting.  I became suicidal. I wanted to jump off the building despite my fear of heights. I always wondered who would even go to my funeral because I know one thing is for sure: I wouldn't.

I was out of myself, even, that I accidentally blurted out to my sister that I cut myself. She told my mother afterwards. For some reason, when my mother cried and said, "but you looked so fine. So free. I never knew you've been cutting. I lack so much as a mother. I lack so much as your protector." I felt as if someone actually cares. I realized how selfish I was for thinking about my own state, how I remembered what I felt when my own Aunt took her own life even.

Third year came but I was still being bullied, and my urgings still continued. Until this girl came and told me this : "You need to fight for yourself! You shouldn't let them bully you like this." Whenever I remember those words, my tendency is to tear up because, I assure you, it made all the difference. I never knew that those simple words would serve as a wake-up call for me.

Please. If you know someone with depression, tell them " I love you," and give them a warm hug. Tell them that you will always be by their side- and you must mean it, please swear that you mean it! I've been too scared to say those words to my aunt, until I never had the chance to actually tell her that. I was too late. At that very moment, I regret never telling her, and I suffered from that thought. It's true that words could heal someone as much as it could hurt them. Those people who are suffering badly needs a companion, someone to talk to, at least to be reminded that they are not alone as they are fighting their own problem. Show them that you are not fighting for them , but fighting with them. Motivate them that all of these are just challenges and there is a way to end it. Don't use a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Please notice them, they are also human. and being that kind, we are sensitive.
'We're here on planet Earth not to compete but to complete.'



I am only an individual telling you what it's like to be me; a victim of bullying, a survivor of suicide. How about the other millions out there, suffering and going through everything worse than I have ?

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